


The IKEA Test

by HolmesApothecary



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, IKEA, M/M, Romance, in housewares, lots of junk food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 12:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20046406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolmesApothecary/pseuds/HolmesApothecary
Summary: When it came time to furnish his new apartment, Patrick knew he was going to need some additional furniture to what he had in storage—namely a bed. He also knew that an extra set of hands were key. And that even with all his bluster, he respected and even envied David’s sense of taste and eye for décor in the store.So, dear god, Patrick was going to drag David Rose to IKEA—possibly kicking and screaming.





	The IKEA Test

**Author's Note:**

> This came about from silliness in a group chat about how Patrick would have to bribe David to go to IKEA to buy all the furniture you see in his apartment on the show. So thanks, y'all!
> 
> And yes, Patrick's bed is actually one you can buy at IKEA, it's the KOPARDAL.

When it came time to furnish his new apartment, Patrick knew he was going to need some additional furniture to what he had in storage—namely a bed. He also knew that an extra set of hands were going to be needed. And that even with all his bluster, he respected and even envied David’s sense of taste and eye for décor in the store.

So, dear God, Patrick was going to drag David Rose to IKEA—possibly kicking and screaming.

Yet—ever the planner—he had come fully prepared with a battle plan. 

******

“Do you want to get hot dogs with me tomorrow? Maybe even…some frozen yogurt?" Patrick asked as he slouched against the cash during a lull in customers at the store.

“Ohhhhh," David's eyes lit up at the suggestion. "Are we going to the fair or something? I’ve never been to a fair…well, unless you count the time that I had to make an exchange for Alexis in the Coney Island funhouse with some mobsters. That probably doesn’t count does it?”

“Uh, no. No fair. Just a quick trip to Burlington to grab something. And I thought it would be fun to get snacks.”

David narrowed his eyes. Patrick needed to sweeten the deal and quickly before David asked too many questions. He put his arms around David’s shoulders and leaned in.

“There is pizza by the slice.”

“Okay, I’m in.”

******

Pulling up in front of the massive bright blue and yellow building, Patrick looked to David and realized he had never seen such a look of betrayal on his boyfriend’s face before—and that included the time with the ex-fiancée.

Patrick rolled his eyes as he put Roland’s borrowed truck into park.

“I need a bed. You want me to have a bed, don’t you?" Patrick wiggled his admittedly non-existent eyebrows suggestively. It had no effect.

“You seem to think I ever plan on sleeping with you again after this,” David sniffed condescendingly.

“David….there is apple cake and hot dogs and as many pizza slices as you want.”

“Wow, Patrick. You are mistaken if you think you can just buy my acceptance with junk food.”

“Did I tell you about the Swedish meatballs?”

“Ugh, fine.”

******

Thirty minutes and one stop for a pre-shop hot dog later, Patrick realized that this may have been a bad idea—for a reason he never would have expected.

David had Patrick’s hand in a vice grip as he dragged him manically through the bedroom accessories aisles. “Patrick! There are so many black and white pillow covers to choose from! And all the fabric. I can just buy fabric here? OHHHHH, these curtains are practically free they are so cheap! You need curtains, Patrick. Let’s get ten just to be safe.”

Terrifyingly, Patrick had somehow created a bargain shopper out of David Rose.

******

A cart full of home décor necessities later, Patrick and David lay side by side on like the tenth mattress they’d looked at.

“What about this one? Too firm?”

David looked at him for a long moment and then scooched over to his side and threw his leg over Patrick’s. Tucking his nose right into the spot where his neck met his shoulder, he let out a quiet sigh that ghosted over Patrick’s neck, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“Yeah," David whispered, "I think this one.”

Patrick ran his hand slowly up over David’s back before settling it on his neck. He leaned down and brushed a quick kiss to his forehead.

“This one is perfect.”

******

Bed frames were easier.

“The gray one with the bars.”

“I mean, I like that one, David but what about…”

“Patrick, the one with the bars. Both for the aesthetic and…I mean….for other reasons.”

David stared him down.

“Yep, the one with the bars it is.”

******

How many orders of Swedish meatballs can one grown man eat in 20 minutes?

You don’t want to know.

******

“Ohhhhh, sweater organizers.”

They were almost all the way through the store. All they needed was a lamp before heading over to the warehouse for the bed. A lamp and apparently sweater organizers.

They had witnessed no less than three couples in complete meltdowns with each other and one toddler way past his breaking point. But somehow, they had made it to the final floor. Even better, they were still holding hands. Patrick was actually having fun watching David pick things out—even if he was beyond exhausted now.

“You know, David. They say that if you can make it through a trip to IKEA with your significant other, you’re meant to be.”

“Hmm, well Karen and Tom back in dishware are definitely getting a divorce. But you and me? I already knew we’d make it through, even before you bought me apple cake.”

Patrick wondered what they said about couples who made out up against the sweater organizers in IKEA. Surely, that meant they were in it for the long haul.

  
******

Patrick should have budgeted better for the number of chocolate bars by the register they would be purchasing.

  
******

“So, IKEA wasn’t that bad was it?”

David was currently holding a cinnamon roll in one hand (“Only $1, Patrick! Let’s get 6!”) and frozen yogurt in the other hand where they were sitting at a table by the snack stand. He then proceeded to smear some of the ice cream on his cinnamon roll before taking a bite.

Chewing, he actually took the time to think about the trip, “I mean, yes. The thread count of the sheets here are Incorrect, and if you think I’m helping you put together things with that little tiny metal thingie you are clearly delusional. But I didn’t despise it. I survived.”

Patrick tilted his head and gave David a look, glancing over at the cart full of stuff and the rolled-up mattress and boxes of the bed on the flat dolly.

“Okay, I love it. Shut up.”

Patrick beamed at David. This ridiculous man who meant so much to him. The man who tried so hard for him and even when he protested still went along with Patrick’s boring everyday tasks like IKEA and taxes and inventory. Yes, sometimes it took some persuading with snacks, but it also happened because David loved Patrick and he wanted him to be happy. And there were days that Patrick still couldn’t believe he was so lucky.

“Did I tell you that they sell the meatballs to go in the frozen food section over there by the exit? I’ll buy you some—if you help me put the bed together.”

David looked both delighted and annoyed at the same time.

“Deal."

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at [HolmesApothecary](https://holmesapothecary.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Kudos and comments are as sweet as an IKEA cinnamon roll topped with frozen yogurt.


End file.
